


Balancing on one wounded wing

by robotwitch



Series: Once more for the ages [14]
Category: Uncharted (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, Mental Health Issues, Other, Personal Growth, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 02:27:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19122718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robotwitch/pseuds/robotwitch
Summary: For years, Nate's ignored his self-destructive tendencies, but after Libertalia it's finally time to make a change.





	Balancing on one wounded wing

Nate squirms under each therapist’s gaze in turn as he unloads his life story.  They’re judging him, he’s sure of it.

He sinks into the sofa after another disappointing session.  Lamenting the futility of his search, “It’s exhausting doing this over and over.”

Elena puts her laptop down and gives his arm a sympathetic squeeze, “Another dud?”

“That’s three.  Must be some sort of record.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“What if I just lined them up and told them all about my problems at once and let them decide amongst themselves who has to deal with me.  They could arm wrestle or something.”

Rolling her eyes, “Even if we could afford that, how are you supposed to get a read on them?”

Nate can’t help but fidget before his next appointment, but there’s something more laidback about Josh than all the rest.  He’s slightly older than Nate, probably about Sam’s age.  Definitely wiser, a bit like Sully.  Both of them would resent the comparison.

“I keep expecting you to have a cigar hanging out of your mouth,” Nate’s lip quirks.

Josh snorts, “Like Freud?”

It takes Nate a second to catch Josh’s quip.  Chuckling, “No like Sully.  He’s sort of – well, he’s like a mentor to me.  You’ll probably hear quite a bit about him, if I stick with you.”

Not batting an eye at the possibility of losing a patient, but nudging, “Who else would I be hearing about?”

Nate sighs, _Where to start?_

“My wife – Elena.  Sam – my asshole brother.  My dead mom, my deadbeat dad.  Should I keep going?  You getting all this down?”  He doesn’t understand how Josh isn’t taking notes; everyone else couldn’t write furiously enough to keep up.

“Messed up family.  Commitment issues.  Bit of a daredevil history enthusiast.” Josh says astutely.  “Am I missing anything?”

“Some light extralegal activity,” Nate cracks before he can control his tongue.  It’s a good thing these sessions are confidential.

Brow raised, “You know just I’m not a lawyer, right?  Just a mental professional.”

“I thought it was strange when you started asking me about my personal problems.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll get to the root of that.”

“Who says I’m coming back?  Commitment issues, remember?  You didn’t write it down.”

“Didn’t have to.  I’ve seen plenty of patients with the same problem, but you know what they all have in common?”

Nate shrugs, “Dickhead dads?”

“They want to get better.  Something tells me you do too.”

\----------

Thinking back on all the days he sequestered himself away in the attic, Nate can safely say this isn’t the lowest he’s felt.  But it’s not great either.

“Describe it to me,” Josh coaxes.

Nate chews his lip; it isn’t easy to put into words when his head isn’t working right.  “It’s like one of Elena’s video games.”

“I don’t follow.”

“The game is designed to look like the world goes on forever, but eventually the little guy hits an invisible wall.  Then he still thinks he’s walking, but he’s not going anywhere.”

“Isn’t that to prevent the player from falling off the edge?”

“I guess.  But why design a world that can’t be explored?”  Besides, Nates survived worse jumps.

Glancing at Nate’s medical history, “You’ve been on this medication for two weeks?”

“Every day,” Nate nods with a bit of resentment.  It’s hard for it not to feel like the routine of a much older man, suffering from all sorts of other ailments.

“I’m going to call your doctor, see if we can get you on something else.  I want you to feel like those horizons are within reach.  You’re not so fragile you need to be kept in a glass house.”

Nate exhales, agitated, “I don’t know how much more trial and error I can take.”

“This isn’t adventuring, you don’t get just one shot at this, Nate.  Trust me, we’ll get there.”

While they wait on the new prescription, Nate takes Josh’s advice and looks for other ways to push through the invisible wall.  He starts by telling Jameson he’s ready to take on more than just paperwork again; Jameson claps him on the back and laughs that there will be plenty of diving and paperwork to go around.

Sully’s around for dinner one evening when Nate’s reminder to takes his pills goes off.  With a look of concern, he comes clean.

“Good for you, Nate.  Takes more guts than most of the shit we’ve done to face this head on.”

“Thanks, Sully.  Just don’t say anything to Sam.  I haven’t told him yet.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.  I know better than to get between the pair of you.”

Ever patient, ever a better person than him, Elena watches his progress carefully.  He knows they’ve got a long way to go yet.

\----------

It’s difficult to tell if Josh is happy for them, when Nate tells him about their new plan.  He’s certainly not as excited by the prospect as Nate is.

“You don’t think it’s a good idea,” Nate states, matter of fact.

“On the contrary, I think it’s what you’ve both been craving.”

“But…”

“But is your marriage ready to sustain the strain this venture will put on it?”

“This is different.  It was _her_ idea.”

Josh nods, but cautions, “Just take a moment to make sure the pair of you are on the same page about this.  It might not be a bad idea to go to marriage counseling, just to make sure someone is asking the right questions.”

“You offering?”

At this stage, Nate really can’t bring himself to go through the process of finding _another_ counselor.  He and Elena have momentum now.

“If you’d like.  If your wife’s amenable.  But marriage counseling is not my forte, if you decide to continue with couples counseling, I would recommend finding someone else.”

Nate chews his lip the whole way home.  He is both resistant to and agrees with Josh’s idea.

Despite his initial misgivings, he thinks therapy is working for him.  It is a safe place for him – somewhere he can work through things without worrying Elena.  He’s not sure he’s ready to bring Elena into that space when there’s still so much they have to work on.

But then, he _really_ doesn’t want to go through the search process again.  It was enough of a headache, finding someone who he was comfortable with.  He’d hate to find out what it was like to look for a counselor who has to work for both of them.

Josh is a good guy.  He knows when to draw the line on Nate’s shit.  He’ll balance the conversation so Elena’s concerns are addressed.  He won’t take sides; this isn’t about taking sides.  This could work.

Elena asks how therapy went over dinner and Nate puts the suggestion on the table.  Elena agrees with very little deliberation.  They make an appointment with Josh for the end of the week.

Shaking hands, “Pleasure to meet you, Elena.”

“Same to you.  I’ve been meaning to write you a ‘thank you for keeping my husband from leaping off cliffs’ note.”

Josh chuckles, “Nate’s doing that part all on his own.”

Elena smiles at Nate, her eyes gleaming with pride, and they sit down.  Her hand finds his and doesn’t let go.

“Before we begin, I wanted to put a disclaimer on this meeting: this is a check in.  I won’t be able to solve all your problems in an hour, so don’t even try.  Understood?”

They both nod, ready.

“Alright.  I already know where Nate stands, but if you care to share with Elena.  How do you think your marriage has improved since you got back to New Orleans?”

Breathing deep, he fixes his eyes on Elena.  He has to tell her, not Josh, the burdens that have finally been lifted.

“Like everything is finally out in the open – and I realize that’s mostly on me.  I wasn’t honest about who I was, and it prevented me from coming to you when I was at my lowest.  But we talk about everything now – the good and the bad.”

“And do you agree, Elena?  Are things more open at home than they were?”

“Yes,” she nods.  “You’ve always been good at catching me when I _physically_ fell, but I trust you completely to catch me when I emotionally stumble too.  You’re not a different man, but you’re here and present in our marriage.”

Elena holds his gaze so intensely; Nate couldn’t look away if he tried.  Sometimes he wonders if Nathan Morgan could have ever been so lucky as to have found Elena Fisher.

Nathan Drake has all the bravado and charm and the touch of adventure Nathan Morgan only ever dreamed about.  But then, maybe those weren’t the only parts of him Elena fell in love with.

\----------

In all his excitement about Malaysia, Nate didn’t consider that it would disrupt therapy.  But with Josh’s encouragement and armed with a refill prescription, he goes.  He goes and doesn’t feel the urge to call once.

Still, his first order of business upon their return is to set up an appointment.

“I’m glad to hear it all went smoothly.”

“We’re still waiting to hear back from an interested network, but we’re hopeful.”

“That’s good.  You’ve made a lot of professional progress.  What about personal progress?  How did it feel getting back in the field?  How’re things with Elena?”

Nate hesitates, before admitting, “There was one sort of unexpected thing with Elena.”

“Oh?”

“We had a pregnancy scare.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Have you and Elena ever –?”

“Never.  Not once.  And all of a sudden, I’m admitting I wouldn’t mind having a kid one day?  I’ve never been interested in having kids.  Where did that come from?  Hell, I’m the same age Sully was when he decided he was never gonna have kids – realized he never wanted them.”

God, he’s surprised he hasn’t completely turned into Sully.  Lousy fathers, lousy childhoods; same poor life decisions, same mistakes.  Nate thinks back on that day in Yemen, when Sully all but admitted he thought of Nate as his son.  He supposes the expression must be true: like father, like son.

Taking advantage of Nate’s stop for breath, “Sometimes when we find the right person or the right path in life, we start to see things in a different light – other avenues we never considered before.”

“If you’re suggesting I take in some wayward kid off the street to fulfill my ticking paternal clock – no, thank you.  I’m sorry, but I know how much trouble they cause.”

“You’re not Sully.  You’re not following in his footsteps, but he’s been enough of an influence on you that you naturally think about what he would tell you.  What do you think Sully would say, right now?”

“He’d tell me to stop being a wiseass.”

“I could’ve told you that.  What else would he say?”

Still thinking of the airport, “That greatness is what you do with the hand your dealt.”

“Smart man.  So, what’s holding you back from accepting the fact you might want to be a dad?”

A knot comes undone in Nate’s stomach.  ‘Dad’ is so much easier a concept to grasp than ‘father’.  In his experience, fathers are distant and unreliable; a dad is someone to play catch with or commit felonies with in his and Sully’s case.

“Not to sound cliché, but it’s not like I have a prime example of fatherhood to follow – pretty much the exact opposite.”

Josh shakes his head, “Maybe so, but you have all the tools you need to avoid making the same mistakes – his or Sully’s.”

“And what tools are those?”

“You’re not them.  Some apples have been known to fall pretty far from the tree.”

\----------

It’s creeping up on him again: the urge to drop everything and run.  Not because he wants to, no.

Nate is exactly where he wants to be, but when Sam’s involved – when Sam’s in trouble the urge is near impossible to resist.

He doesn’t understand how Chloe managed to convince him not to go after his brother straight away, but she did.  Nate didn’t know how he was going to hold himself to the one-week deadline he gave Chloe until Elena showed him the follow up texts.

Chloe’s been radio silent ever since.  But if they don’t hear from her again soon, Nate might just stop resisting the urge.

Filming continues.  Nate throws his everything into it, hoping no one notices something’s amiss.

They’re reviewing tidal charts when his eyes wander further south.  He can’t believe he’s in the middle of the Sea of Okhotsk, searching for a mythical city, while Sam is God knows where amidst a rebel insurgency, being held hostage a brutal warlord.

“What do you think, Nate?  Nate?  Nate?”

Nate snaps out of his daze, “Sorry, what did you say?”

He doesn’t miss the way Elena looks at him, like he might bolt at any moment.  Like she would understand, even if it would break her heart _again_.  He won’t do it, but the look rattles his core.

Elena pulls herself together quicker, taking charge of directing the crews, both onscreen and off, to their next diving point.  The camera naturally follows her as Nate struggles to regain focus.

He didn’t need Josh to hold his hand through the entirety of Malaysia.  He was so ready to prove he could do it again, but circumstances are different now.  He doesn’t check the time difference and gets an automated message.

“You’ve reached the office of Josh Thompson.  I’m in a session at the moment, but if you leave your name and concern, I will get back to you as soon as possible.  If this is an emergency, hang up and call 911 immediately.  Talk to you soon.”

Nate groans, mostly at himself.  It was stupid of him to think he could get through to Josh right away.  Too anxious to talk to Josh, too anxious for news of Sam, Nate keeps to the sidelines.

Watching Elena, he’d forgotten how natural she was on camera when they first met.  She shouldn’t need him to convince her she belongs onscreen, especially now that he’s witnessing her sheer confidence and control over the show.

He’s surprised just how much it soothes his nerves to watch her work.  He’s so caught up by it, he nearly misses the buzzing of the phone still clenched in his hand.

Frantically answering on the last ring, “Josh?”

“Nate?  What’s the matter?”

“It’s Sam.  He took a job with my ex and she called last night to tell me he’s gone missing.”

“Missing?”

“Missing.  Captured – tortured – I don’t know.  Hell, I don’t even know what the job is.  Just that Chloe said it was important –”

“Nate…” It’s almost as if he can hear Josh rubbing his forehead over the phone, getting ready to tell him he’s being ridiculous.

This has always been the danger of their line of work: sometimes people don’t come back.  Nate never thought Sam would, but he did.

His voice cracks, “I can’t lose him again.”

“I understand you position, but you have responsibilities to Elena, to the show, to yourself.”

“I know.  I know.  I know.  Doesn’t make it any easier – Sam has taken bullets for me and I’m just supposed to wait and do nothing while Chloe sorts it all out?”

“This isn’t about returning the favor to your brother.  It’s about his safety.  You can’t rush in headlong to save him.”

Nate opens his mouth to argue, but nothing comes out.

There’s no such thing as returning the favor for the years Sam took care of him after they ran away; it would take a lifetime.  Though Nate supposes a couple of the stunts Sam’s pulled have knocked a few years off that debt.

Taking a steadying breath, “Right.  Okay.  And I trust Chloe – I do.  It’s just –”

“She’s a wild card, you’ve said.  I hate to cut this short, but I have another patient waiting.  If you trust Chloe, try to focus on what’s in front of you.  Think you can do that?”

“I’ll try.”  Nate’s a little nervous it’ll come across as overcompensating, but he needs the distraction.  And if it doesn’t play well to the camera – well, Elena’s got that covered.

“Good.  We’ll schedule another time to talk in the next couple of days.  Don’t hesitate to call if you have to – but try to be wary of the time difference.”

Nate snorts, “Yeah.  Thanks, Josh.  I owe you.”

It’ll be worth it, but he’s already dreading the long-distance bill.

\----------

Josh looks at the pair of them and sighs, “I could have sworn I recommended getting a real couples’ counselor.”

Nate chuckles nervously and grimaces.

Elena too, “We like you.  Take it as a compliment.”

“Or an endorsement you should take the next step in your career.”

“You’re both incorrigible,” Josh laughs.  Then, down to business, “Nate tells me you’re actively having the baby discussion.”

He believes his exact words were ‘we _had_ the talk, we’re doing this’.  The talk is over and done; there’s not much else to do at this point but hope one of these days they get lucky.

Elena nods, “Yeah.  I think we’re finally both ready.”

“No hold ups on either end?” Josh prods.

Shaking her head, “Not on mine.”

Doubts about his own reliability lurk at the fringes of his mind, but if Elena’s not worried, he’ll save those for another session.  “Good to go.”

“Alright, then.  Other than the obvious, what steps are the pair of you taking to make this happen or prepare for having a child?”

Elena speaks up first, “Well, I finally scheduled some appointments for myself – make sure it’s still a viable option.”

“That’s good.  You too, Nate?”

“Yeah, though getting them to accept the dock as our address has been a hassle.”

Josh stares pointedly at Nate, but Elena squirms in her seat too, “You’re not seriously considering raising your child on a boat, are you?”

Moving off the boat clearly hasn’t crossed either of their minds.  Nate’s not really surprised he didn’t think of it, but he can think of worse places to live; he grew up in most of them.

But sometimes he forgets Elena isn’t always as sensical as she seems.  Given the right occasion, she can be just as impulsive as him.  She practically agreed to marry him on a whim after all.

“It feels like we _just_ moved.  And with all the traveling involved with the show, putting down roots again seems –”

She looks to Nate to fill in the word, but Nate’s mind has gone blank.  He can’t believe he’s actively watching Elena argue in favor of living on the boat.

“I get it,” Josh finally stops her from floundering.  “You’re going through a lot of life changes incredibly quickly.  Not the least of which being, making the decision to have a baby, but now you’ve got to start thinking about what’s best for them _and_ you.”

Josh gives them even more to think about on the drive back to the docks.  A baby is a time, financial, and emotional commitment.  A life commitment.

Nate walks the length of the deck, mulling it all over when Elena catches him by the arm.

“You would’ve loved growing up on a boat, wouldn’t you?”

“I did occasionally.  You think Sam and I could’ve afforded a flight to Cartagena?”

“I can picture it: the pair of you as a couple of stowaways.”

“Not the first and certainly not the last time I was either.”

They both chuckle, staring out onto the sun setting over the harbor.  Josh may have a point, but that doesn’t mean Nate’s gonna miss moments like this any less.

Sighing, “I was kind of hoping to show the baby this view.”

“That’s a long way down the road still.”

“Yeah, I know.  And it’s not like the harbor’s going anywhere.”

“Or the show won’t take us to new horizons,” Elena beams.

A long time ago, Nate would’ve rolled his eyes at her poetic notion, but Elena’s right.  The whole world is at their doorstep, whether they live on a boat or not.  With any luck, it won’t be _that_ long before they’re sharing it with their child.

\----------

Coming to the office is feeling less like taking a breather for himself and more like a distraction.  Cassie’s growing and changing so much every day and Nate doesn’t want to miss it.

“There’s no where else I’d rather be,” he surprises himself even, admitting it out loud.

“That’s good, Nate.  Honestly, I was a little nervous when you abruptly cancelled our last session.”

“You too?  All I did was offer to look after Cassie so Elena could have a night out with her friends, and she accused me of using it as an excuse.  Doesn’t anyone have a little faith in my ability to commit?”

“Your track record doesn’t argue in your favor.”

Nate gestures dramatically at the office, “I rescheduled, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did.  You’ve come a long way these past few years.  And you’ve already naturally cut back on sessions, I’m just making sure it’s for the right reasons.”

Nate fidgets with his wedding ring, a nervous tick he can’t quite get rid of from the days of wearing Drake’s ring around his neck.  He fidgets, but he doesn’t take it off; aside from salvage jobs or digs, he never does; he’s not going to lose it again.

He’s doing everything he can to heal the commitment to Elena he broke.  He’s going to do his damnedest never to do the same to Cassie.  But these sessions are a commitment for himself, if he breaks that, how can he be there for Cassie?

Suddenly, “Do you have kids, Josh?”

In all this time, never once has Nate strayed into the territory of Josh’s personal life, but he is at a loss for how else to explain the experience.

“A pair of girls.”

“Wow.  Two of them.  So, even twice as all-consuming.  Time, energy, attention –” he’s about to add ‘life’ to the list, but Cassie has only made his life fuller.  Nate wouldn’t trade that for anything.

“Proper life balance isn’t an easy thing to achieve.  So long as you’re not neglecting any one part of your life, I’d say you’re doing pretty well.”

Nate nods, then sucks his teeth and grimaces.  “Work’s taken a bit of a hit.”

Josh prods further, “You’re not regretting putting the show on hiatus, are you?”

“No.  No.  Not like that.  It’s just – Elena and I told the network we’d have a proposal for the next dig by now.”

“You’ll get there.  You and Elena told them you were taking time off for your family too.  That’s what you’re focused on.”

“Right.  Of course, you’re right.  It’s just – I get these flashes, while holding Cassie and drawing, of curling up beside my mom as she drew.”

The memories, if he can call them that, are peaceful and tender; the last impressions he has left of her that wasn’t crafted by Sam to spare him the truth.  But that alone unsettles Nate.  Too long she was denied and denied herself what she really wanted.  And it ate her up inside, till there’s was nothing left.

Gently, “Are you afraid of history repeating itself?”

Shaking his head, “Not like that, but what if I passed my troubles – her troubles onto Cassie?  What if I’m too messed up to help her if she shows signs of depression?  We knew something was wrong with mom – we must’ve, but we did nothing –”

“Hey – hey, Nate.  Listen to me.  It’s hard to hear, but there’s nothing you or Sam could’ve done – you were children.  What happened to her is _not_ on you.  And you’re not so messed up that if anything has been passed onto Cassie, you won’t be able to be there for her.  So will Elena, and you know how reliable she is in these situations.”

“I suppose, I do,” Nate starts to breathe easier.

He and Elena know the signs; they can look out for them together.  God forbid, if Cassie does suffer from depression, he’s going to do everything possible to make sure she knows she’s not alone.

Sighing, “Good thing we’re stopping at one kid, I can’t imagine how nerve-wracking it must be having two.”

“I’d tell you it gets easier as they get older, but the list of worries is just different.”

Nate grins, “Thanks for the heads up.”

Though recognizing Josh is his therapist, not his best friend, Nate’s suddenly keenly aware of the lack of companionship he has in the married-men-with-kids department.

He’s never wanted for those sorts of friendships before; treasure hunting has always been and will always be an every man for himself sort of business.  And he’s not even sure he really _wants_ them now, but he appreciates the perspective it allows Josh to bring to their sessions.

He supposes it might even be worth it enough to attend some sort of new parents’ group, like Elena does.  At the very least, maybe he’ll find some other guys who can commiserate with him about how much money they’re spending on diapers.

Sam and Sully, as much as they love Cassie, don’t know the half of what it takes to raise her.

When Nate proposes the idea, Josh provides a handful of recommendations.

“You knew I was going to ask for this, didn’t you?”

“If you didn’t, I would’ve suggested it eventually.”

Skimming the list, he finds one specifically geared toward older dads.  Relieved he isn’t the only one with greying hair and a new baby, Nate signs up.

\----------

Moving is broken up into a two-step process.  All their dig gear and filming equipment first then the rest of their junk, which would make it easier if Nate was any good at planning ahead.

As it is, Nate’s astounded by the amount of crap they’ve accumulated since their last move as he searches for a piton set he could’ve sworn he left in the garage.  He hopes they haven’t somehow wound up among Cassie’s toys.

“Whose idea was it to schedule the dig right after our move anyway?” he shouts at Elena in the other room.

When there’s no response, Nate goes in search of her instead.  He finds her at the kitchen table, fighting with a tangle of cords while Cassie makes a mess of applesauce in her highchair.

Chuckling, “You want some help with that?”

“Ugh.  Please.  I swear that one knot is giving me a stress headache.”

Nate draws her attention to their daughter as he sits down to take over, “Someone looks like they could use a napkin.”

Though Cassie is perfectly happy mushing her hands into the applesauce, Elena needs a mess she can clean up.  “Oh sweetie.  What’ve you done with your lunch?”

Cassie squirms as Elena wipes her off and Nate starts tugging at the knot.

“What was it you were shouting about?”

“So you could hear me,” he jokes accusingly.

Elena rolls her eyes, “I was a little preoccupied.  This house is such a disaster, it’ll take a miracle to get it all packed before the move.”

Grinning deviously, “We could probably convince Sam he owes us a few favors.”

“I’m not above a good old-fashioned guilt trip.”

They both burst out laughing.

It’s not like they intended to put this sort of deadline on themselves, but when the network presented them with the permits, they were both equally as eager to get back out in the field.

Hectic as it’s been, they don’t mind rushing the move in favor of sinking their shovels into the sands of Egypt.  Settling into the new house can wait.

Nate thinks he’s managed to get one cord loose when he catches a glimpse of the time, “Ah crap.  I’m gonna be late.”

Dropping the tangles mess, he plants a kiss on Cassie’s sticky face then on Elena.

“Say ‘hi’ to Josh for me.”

“Will do!”

He makes good time, managing to only be five minutes late.  Still, Josh gives him that look like he’s in for a scolding.

Preemptively, “I’m sorry.  We were packing and I lost track of time.  I swear, I didn’t forget.”

“That’s alright.  There’s a lot going on.  I’m surprised you’re carving out the time to come see me at all.”

“How could I not?  You’re my guy.  You’re the one I’m supposed to talk to when things are spiraling out of control.”

Josh raises a brow at that, “Are things spiraling?”

Hastily, “No.  No.  I mean – they’re crazy, but not spiraling.”

“As long as you feel the move is under control, I’m sure it is.  But with all that’s going on I’m curious if you’ve taken any steps toward finding a therapist in Hawaii.”

Instinctual deflection kicks in, “You mean I can’t just fly back to New Orleans once a month?”

“It’s not exactly practical.”

“Never stopped me before.  I could visit Sully while I’m in town – make it a multi-purpose trip.”

“Nate…”

“Or we could do phone sessions.”

“Nate –”

“I don’t mind the extra charge.”

“Nate.  Listen to me.”

Nate swallows.  He’s been avoiding this conversation.  He knows he’s been deliberately avoiding this conversation.

This move – it’s what he and Elena want, it’s good for the show.  They looked at it from every possible angle, save this one.  Five years he’s been seeing Josh; he likes Josh and Josh gets him.  Nate doesn’t think he can go through that process again.

Shaking his head, “I don’t want to look for another therapist.”

“I appreciate how difficult it was the first time around, but things are different now.  You’re different.  You don’t need the same kind of care you did when you first walked through that door.”

“But this has worked.  I’m doing so much better than I was.”

“You are.”

“I’ve reduced my number of sessions.”

“You did.”

“I’m consistent with my medication.  And I figured out how to use those coping strategies at home and on digs.”

“That’s all great, which brings me to the point.  I don’t want you to lose that progress and why you should find someone closer to home.”

Nate suppresses the urge to suggest Josh move to Hawaii too, but he knows it will only earn him an eyeroll.  His leg starts to bounce.  “That’s all because of you.”

Josh shakes his head, “You came into my office looking to change and as much as I can help you along the way, nobody can do that for you.”

Weakly, “I didn’t so it for myself though.”

“Then why did you?  You don’t have to tell me, just think of those reasons.”

Nate shuts his eyes and breathes in; the answer is clear.  Because Elena asked him to.  He did it for her – for _them_.  For a second – third chance, really.

“Why are you still coming?”

He can practically feel Cassie’s weight in his arms.  As if she wasn’t reason enough, a pair of invisible arms wraps around him too.

The life Cassandra Morgan never got to live and the chances she never had.  He can’t be there for his daughter if he rejects that which his mom was denied.  It strikes him hard in the chest.

Of course, he’s been doing this for himself all along.  Elena, Sam, Sully – they were just the impetus Nate needed to convince him there was a part of him that needed healing, that it was okay to long for adventure, that he could make a life for himself unlike any other.  Legend or no.

He just needed the guidance to balance all the pieces of himself.  Though one day he might not need it anymore, there are too many sharp turns ahead of him to stop here.

Taking another deep breath, “Know of any good therapists in Hawaii?”

\----------

Scheduling an appointment at the end of their dig with the first name off of Josh’s list, Nate’s got a good feeling about this.  Even in the waiting room, he isn’t riddled with his usual anxieties.

Therapy’s going to be different without Josh, Nate’s come to accept that and braced himself for a change.  But another voice of reason could provide him with just as much insight.

The office door opens, and a short woman steps out.  “Nathan _Drake_?”

“Yes, like the show.”

“Actually, I was thinking of the explorer.”

“Well, that too,” Nate grins.  There’s been so much hype around the new season, it’s become his reflex response.  But he’s missed the old script.

Almost too predictably, “I understood Francis Drake didn’t have any children.”

Chuckling, “You a fan of history –?”

“Martha,” she provides.  “And yes.”

“Then I’ve got a few stories you might like to hear, Martha.”

Ushering him in, “Care to step into my office and share them with me?”

**Author's Note:**

> This is a crossover of Naughty Dog properties, an alternate universe where there is no Cordyceps Brain Infection outbreak and everyone lives. Both the Uncharted and The Last of Us characters are here and very much alive, (eventually) brought together through Cassie and Ellie's chance meeting at summer camp.


End file.
